I'm in the process of updating my blog, so this is going to jump a bit into the future for the time being...but I can't help myself. I've got to write down what happened and how I'm feeling while it's fresh!
This semester has been...rough. In fairness, it was advertised as being rough. The word around the Counseling program is that the semester you take Counseling Theory (typically your 2nd or 3rd semester) is the worst of all. I understand why. That class has been the worst experience! The whole mess started back in the Fall when it was announced that the class was at max capacity and there was a pretty long waiting list. Frustrations were all over the department because this class is a pre-req for Practicum and Internship. Long story short, they ended up doing overrides for everyone who needed the class. Suddenly a class that was intended for 20 students had 43! Changes had to be made to accommodate that many students. I don't know how the class normally goes, but we received very little instruction over the course of the semester.
We took the midterm...I got a 68. Not good.
People started stressing out. Still a lack of instruction and communication about requirements for a project we had to complete. Nothing. Today was the Final exam. I was super anxious and said a prayer in my car before going in to class. My nerves were calmed and that familiar feeling of peace came over me. I felt like things would be okay. I walked in and took the test.
I walked out of class knowing I failed. Feeling of calm and peace? Gone. I then spent the next 6 hours pondering my future in the face of a likely F in that class. Would they kick me out of the program? Would I have to retake the class? Should I start applying for jobs?
A few minutes ago I was finally able to bring myself to check my syllabus and figure out my grade. Check and see exactly what damage was going to be done. This is what I discovered...see if you can follow me...
There are 100 possible points in the class. To this moment, I have secured 53.6. To pass the class I need 70 points...which means I lack 16.4. We have our Final and a Project still outstanding (45 total points) and a 10 point extra credit assignment. SO. There are 55 points still up for grabs and I need 16.4. The relief that I felt at the moment that I realized I can (and should) fairly easily get a C in that class was tremendous.
I've seriously said about 3 prayers of gratitude. I can't express how grateful I am to know that I have a loving Heavenly Father who knows me and looks out for me. I can see His hand in the daily things of my life. This is just one example of many but was SO BIG for me at this moment that I had to write it down. Relief. And incredible gratitude.